News Roundup

National
Governor Mike Huckabee yesterday apologized to Mitt Romney for disparaging Romney's Mormon religion. Gov. Huckabee caused the issue in published comments when he innocently suggested that according to Mormon teaching, Jesus and Satan are brothers. Presumably the apology was not over this specific point of Mormonism - Mormons really do believe Jesus and Lucifer are brothers (cf. D&C 76:25) - but that he brought up religion at all. Nevertheless, this is exactly the kind of political discourse our Founding Fathers wanted: presidential candidates cowed into defending their ways of worshiping God by a powerful minority determined to impose its religious tenets as a test for holding public office. May all Republicans rejoice!

Local
The demise of Columbia, Maryland's, Christmastime poinsettia tree has caused not only a little sadness in Howard County but a protest as well. For forty Christmases, the cultural, social, intellectual, and spiritual heart of Howard County's planned community - The Mall in Columbia - has boosted community Yuletide morale by providing Columbians with a huge poinsettia "tree" at the center of this venerable establishment. Unfortunately the Mall's new out-of-town management ditched the beloved tradition in favor of a tacky, crass, and tawdry "Santastic" experience (Where Santa believes in you!). Brokenhearted Columbians, desperate for solace, succor, and any last shred of the true spirit of Christmas, have been found as far away as Arundel Mills Mall in a futile attempt to regain the magic.

Sports
Major league baseball is issuing a report today naming names in the ever-growing steroid scandal. Evidently some pretty big names are going to be mentioned. Baltimore Oriole's-own Jay Gibbons has already admitted to steroid use and has been suspended for 15 games at the start of next season. Other Orioles are almost certainly going to be named. But you know what? So what else is new? Buzz was pitch-perfect on this one: Marion Jones was the last straw. Now I believe all world-class athletes - no matter the stripe, no matter the sport - are on steroids. I figure that kid who won the national spelling bee is on steroids.

Science
Scientists and anthropologists now understand why pregnant women don't tip over like bowling pins. Researchers from Harvard have discovered that skeletal adaptations of the female lower back can be found in early hominid fossils. These adaptations help relieve strain on the female lumbar region as women naturally lean back during pregnancy. Hominid women so equipped would be better adapted to their environment than hominid women without. It also explains the apparent lack of beer-gutted australopithecine men in the fossil record.
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