December 2004 Archives

Yesterday my whole family drove to Michigan to visit my mother. The trip was long even though we made very good time.

My younger son likes to while away the time by playing "20 Questions". Yesterday I was the only one who really wanted to play. When I play with D-, we always use the "Animal, Vegetable, Mineral" categories. I also give him the "Hard or easy?" option when it's his turn to ask the questions.

I don't get the hard or easy option though. He also doesn't always know the answers to my questions so he'll just guess at the answers. More than once I've been led astray.

I was batting about .500 near the end of the game yesterday when it was my turn to guess. "Animal, vegetable, or mineral?" I asked.

"Animal!" came his reply.

About my 12th question, he said "You know this one is kind of hard."

I struggled. I knew it was a human, fictional character, who was on TV sometime during the 70s. ("But it might have been the 80s!") All my questions were proving to be dead ends. My 20th question came and went.

"I give up. What's the answer?"
"Grizzly Adams!"
"Grizzly Adams! I was supposed to guess Grizzly Adams? Who knows anything about Grizzly Adams? How am I supposed to guess Grizzly Adams?"
"I told you it was kind of hard."

I thought to make his next turn really hard, too. (I toyed with Neils Bohr.) But then I thought better of it.

At least he wasn't making me guess the bear.
K-

We have another tradition in the White household and I've yet to meet another family that does this.

Each Christmas Eve we light a bayberry candle and burn it completely. Bayberry is a fragrant shrub that grows in northern climes having small waxy berries from which you can make candles. According to our tradition, once the candle is lit, you're not allowed to blow it out. It must remain lit till all the wax is consumed.

Why do we do this? Mostly because my grandparents always did it and we are just carrying on the tradition. But this tradition has a small rhyme and a superstition attached to it:

Bayberry candle burned to the socket,
Brings health to your home,
Food to your larder,
And wealth to your pocket.

So far, it's worked, mostly. I'd be very reluctant to NOT burn the bayberry candle. Who knows what kind of catastrophe would ensue? This year the candle was still burning when I woke up. And for the first time ever, I actually watched as the last of the wax was consumed and the candle flickered out.

If you didn't burn a bayberry candle in your house this year, consider this one burned for you.
K-

The other night I was talking about Christmas dinner with my wife. Our Christmas dinners have always been your traditional family food: roast turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberries, green beans, and sauerkraut. It's a great dinner and one that I enjoy cooking.

This year - unlike all our previous married years - we're all by ourselves on Christmas. It'll just be the four of us Whites. And being that it's my birthday - my 50th birthday - I thought it might be nice to have grilled New York strip steaks for dinner as a special treat rather than our traditional roast turkey.

So we put it to the kids: What would you guys like for Christmas dinner, grilled New York strips or roast turkey?

I was expecting a resounding "New York Strips!" but the silence was as deafening as it was unexpected. Finally, D- said "Do you want my honest opinion? I'd really rather have turkey. I mean it is Christmas." A- immediately concurred that he wanted roast turkey for Christmas dinner, too.

I hadn't realized that our traditional Christmas dinner was all that important to them. Maybe all our other family traditions mean something to them as well.
K-

I was out running this morning along the main road in my development. Off in the distance I could hear a car approaching because its horn was sounding. I mean, this car's horn was really going off repeatedly and continuously. It sounded as if the driver was in trouble and desperately trying to get someone's attention.

As the car approached me, I looked at the driver. He started shaking his head and waving his hands as if to say "Don't worry, this is what my car's horn normally does. Pay no attention." The car slowed at an intersection, horn going off nonstop, and then took off. The horn continued to sound until the car was out of sight.

As it pulled away, I noticed that the car was a Peugeot. Who would buy a French car?

Horn malfunctions are probably the least of that guy's car problems.
K-

I usually hit Amazon.com every day or so. I like to feed my book habit. And while my buying rate has slowed recently, my looking rate remains the same.

Already the sixth Harry Potter book is Number 1 on Amazon's best seller list. The release date of the book - nearly seven months away - was only announced yesterday. Amazon doesn't even have a picture of the book. Only a pink placeholder and a title.

I'll admit I've never read any of the Harry Potter books although I have seen the first and third movie. The books just never appealed to me.

The last Harry Potter book topped Amazon's list for months; I imagine this one will do the same.

(A literary aside: on Sunday in Rite 13 we were talking about our favorite Christmas stories. I brought in my copy of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. One of the kids asked if Charles Dickens was the same guy that wrote the Hardy Boys. I said no.)
K-

About a week or so ago, I downloaded and started using Mozilla's Firefox web browser.

To be honest, I've never gotten into a twist over web browsers. To my way of thinking, web browsers don't do much. Yes they bring me the web but other than forward and back and some rudimentary handling of Favorites, what more do they do? IE comes with Windows and it always did what I needed. And while I understand about all its security problems, I never really understood all the hate. So I used it.

But then I recently read a blurb in the newpaper that suggested Firefox had some features worth checking out. So I did and I like it. The QuickSearch capability is great. I've even set up a QuickSearch for my company's online phone book. Extensions are cool. I've added the Googlebar, Image Zoom, and ForecastFox extensions. The themes idea is OK, too. I'm currently using the Qute theme but SphereGnome is nice.

The conversion to Firefox wasn't all peaches and cream. I had to adjust my Plugs and Dottles style sheet some. At work, I need to access certain websites the require a certificate. I haven't been able to get Firefox to work with that. But all in all, I'm a fan.

Even though it is only a web browser.
K-

The big kid comes home from college today. A- will be with us for six weeks in-between semesters at Maryland. Because he'll be away from the dorm for so long, he has to move all his valuables out. Not quite as bad as move-in day but he still has to pack up a lot of stuff. I'm off to College Park this morning to pick him.

Despite the packing, it'll be good to have him home.
K-

On my drive to work today, I encountered a dilapidated, disreputable service van driving down the highway. It was dirty, dented in places, the bumper was askew.

As I approached I could see it had advertising on the back.

"Lefty's Auto Detailing" the lettering said. "Not a very good advertisement for auto detailing," I thought.

Even more ominous was what was printed underneath "Lefty's":

We Come To Your House!

Weren't all the criminals in Looney Tunes named Lefty? I thought criminals somewhere were named Lefty. And his slogan... almost sounds like a threat. We Come To Your House! Big red letters, italics, even the exclamation point made me nervous.

At least he could wash his own van.
K-

I suppose I should get the Scrooge award this year.

Yesterday was our group luncheon at work. Every year our group goes out for lunch to celebrate Christmas. This year was no exception. Most of us grudgingly trundled off to a local fun-and-food-drinkery for Christmas cheer and two hours of stilted conversation. Of course, being mostly engineers desperate to get back to work, none of us drank so there wasn't rampant hilarity.

That is until we got to the gift exchange.

This is the second year we've done the Christmas luncheon gift exchange. It was instituted by the only female engineer in the group. She joined us a few years ago and is bound and determined that things are going to be more lively. The annual gift exchange actually does get us a little livened up.

I almost forgot we were doing the exchange at our luncheon. It wasn't until I was on my way to work that I remembered. A Home Depot was nearby, so I stopped there, spending $12 on a 25' measuring tape and some pads that go inside your shoes to keep your feet warm. I arrived to work late because of the errand.

At work I put the two items in a gift bag and stapled it shut.

The idea of our gift exchange is simple and I'm sure most of you have participated in something similar. Everyone brings a wrapped present. The participants all draw numbers out of a hat. Number 1 opens a present from the heap showing it to everyone amid all the oohs and ahs. We then proceed in numerical order; each subsequent person is given the option of taking someone's already opened gift or selecting an unopened one from the pile.

This year I got the very last number.

There were some OK gifts - hot sauce was a popular item, candy, cookies, and other food. There were the usual wacky gifts - a calendar of outhouses and something called "Leaky Louis". And there were some things I had no interest in.

For whatever reason, my present didn't attract any takers early in the game. It just sat there. Maybe I should have put more care into its wrapping. My boss - who kept getting his present stolen - finally selected it. He wasn't impressed when he opened it and neither was anyone else because he managed to hang on to it for the rest of the game.

When it was finally my turn, I had perfect knowledge of all the presents. I even knew what the last unopened present was because it was an unwrapped poinsettia. I looked around for something appealing. There really wasn't anything I wanted.

Then an idea hit me. I should just take my present and return it. I'd much rather have the $12 I spent than anything here. I still had the receipt. I hadn't entered the sale in my checkbook. Heck, I still had the Home Depot bag out in my car!

But taking my own present and returning it... that seemed so evil, so Scrooge-like, so anti-Christmas-spirit. Could I do that?

It was a no-brainer.

Today was the second day I've been delayed getting to work because of a stop at Home Depot.

Cheers!
K-

Snippet of conversation between my son and me on our way to a scout meeting last night:

Him: How old were you when you graduated from high school?
Me: 17
Him: I'll be 18. Just think, in two years I'll be 18 years old. I'll be able to vote, join the army and sign contracts. I'll be a legalized adult.

K-

Last night I cooked for my son and me. We were having turkey left over from Thanksgiving I found in the freezer. Before leaving work, I called my son to find out if there was anything special he wanted with our turkey. "Stove Top Stuffing," came back his reply. I know it's pedestrian but it's also quick and easy so I agreed to pick some up on the way home.

The box of stuffing was the only the thing I needed at the supermarket so I used one of those "do-it-yourself" checkouts with the cheery woman's voice. "Welcome! If you have a Preferred Shopper's Club card, please scan it now." If you only have one or two items - and no one is in front of you - those automated lines are quickest. "Scan coupons or hit the continue button." I was through in a jiffy. "Thank you for shopping at Weis Market."

I paid my $1.55, grabbed my receipt and the box of stuffing, and headed out the door. Because it was just the one item, I didn't bother with paper or plastic.

I had no sooner hit the vestibule when a voice accosts me.

It was the store security guard.

"I'm sorry, sir. I don't mean to say that you're stealing but do you have a receipt for that box of stuffing?"

Exsqueeze me? I'm a fat 49-year-old white guy, evidently successful, in a nice neighborhood carrying the small box of Stove Top Stuffing and you're NOT saying I'm stealing? What's a thief got to do to get a little respect? I mean... Stove Top Stuffing... it's what we steal! And in plain sight, too, just like the old-thief's manual says. No tucking the box under our coat so people can't see it. Forget about offshore check kiting ploys, cooking the corporate books, or byzantine tax dodges, us old guys like the challenge of stuffing.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my receipt. It was crumpled when I held it up. The guard stooped down, cocked his head, peering intently at the wrinkled paper. He scrutinized it. Was it a legitimate Weis Market receipt or a counterfeit?

"Thank you, sir."

The cold air hit me in the face. I breathed deep. Tomorrow... the big box.
K-

Drat and a pox on my wacky metabolism.

I find it extremely difficult this time of year to maintain my weight. I've been cursed with a metabolism which, for some reason, causes me to lose weight around the holidays. I find I have to eat extra just to keep my weight at its pre-holiday level.

This is sooooo annoying.
K-

My trip back from Michigan was uneventful if a bit slopply. Snow and drizzle hampered visibility and made for less than ideal road conditions for most of my way home. Because it was Saturday, there wasn't any road construction to make the trip unpleasant.

I had plenty of time to make random, unimportant observations on my return. These simply bookend the random, unimportant observations I made on my way out.

Some of the things I observed while enroute:

1. A pileated woodpecker flew right over my car as I crossed the Cuyahoga River in Ohio.

2. They are working on the most incredible bridge/road construction project in Toledo, Ohio. It'll be years before they're complete from what I can tell.

3. I saw a big plaque on the back of a semi-trailer that read: "His name is not The Man Upstairs, his name is Jesus."

4. I saw a billboard in Pennsylvania that read: "Saturday is the true Lord's Day. Sunday Laws=The Mark of the Beast."

5. As you drive south on I-75 in Michigan, there are multiple billboards for both vasectomy reversal services and Toledo strip clubs. Coincidence?

Here are some photos I took on my trip. Most were taken while driving 70 MPH on the turnpike.
K-

I had to drive to Michigan today to deal with some things of my mother's. This is the fourth time since late September I've driven out here.

Today I drove by myself. Despite the 8 hour trip, it's not all that bad. I guess I don't mind being by myself for that long. I have my Ipod, some great tunes, and 1998 1.7 liter Toyota Camry screaming for vengeance.

This time I took pictures along the way to record the journey. I'll post them when I get back. Many of the photos were taken as I drove. I was surprised how hard it was to take good pictures with a digital camera while cruising along at 75 MPH. It's trickier than you might think to take pictures and not crash into something. You definitely must watch the road through the windshield for successful driving. Do NOT try to drive while looking at the road on the camera's LCD display.

Some of the things I observed while enroute:

1. A plaque on the back of a cattle truck that read: "Bless the farmers because we feed your fat ass."

2. An overpass in Ohio labeled: "Gore Orphanage Rd."

3. A total of 7 different hornet's nests. They looked just like the ones in the Yogi Bear cartoons.

4. A guy in Maryland sitting along the side of the road with his backpack. He didn't appear to be actively hitchhiking but I can only assume he was. He had a hand-lettered sign stuck to his backpack that read: "I have no weapons."

5. A semi-trailer on the Pennsylvania Turnpike that had "Put the Christ back in Christmas" etched in mud on its back door.

K-

There's been a rash of arsons taking place in Maryland. Right now they're looking for a man driving a blue van. Given these communications with my younger son yesterday, I'd almost suspect something if it weren't for the van part:

Snippet of IM chat yesterday. D- was at home, I was at work:

D-: Do guitar picks have oil in them?
kemwhite: Oil? Uh, no. Well, maybe a little from the oils on you skin. GTG.

Snippet of conversation between D- and me later that evening:

D-: Are you sure guitar picks don't have oil in them?
Me: Well, I don't think there's any oil in them. They're just plastic. There's just the oil from your skin perhaps on the outside. You don't need to put any kind of conditioner on them as far as I know either. Why?
D-: Well you know how you can pass your finger really quick through a candle flame and it won't burn? Well I tried that with a guitar pick and it really burst into flame. *Whoooshhh!!!* I just thought it might have had oil in it the way it burned....

Well at least he's not imitating Jimi Hendrix.
K-

I haven't blogged for a while. I'm sorry. I've been busy with other things and to be honest, there hasn't been anything truly blogworthy going on.

A friend sent me this picture. The claim is that it is from a 1954 edition of Popular Mechanics. I kind of think it's a forgery (supported by this). Those Rand guys were pretty astute even back then and I can't imagine what they thought a steering wheel on a computer would do. Rewind 9-track tapes? But I think the picture is humorous and post it for your enjoyment.
K-

My wife teaches at a local high school. It has a large staff. To enhance staff morale, the school has occasional parties and get-togethers. Among her many duties, S- is head of the "Social Committee" and tonight is one of the highlights of the Social Committee calendar: the staff Christmas party.

This year's party is at the principal's house. He's a new principal and I guess he really wants to establish a personal relationship with the staff. He's opening up his house for this year's Christmas party. The principal is nervous about the success of the party. Somehow the party's success is a reflection on how beloved he is. His nervousness has infected my wife. She's very worried that there won't be many people there.

Consequently I've been given strict orders to be home by 5:45. I will be going to the party. "We need bodies," S- explained.

You know it's a sad party when it's my presence that's giving things snap, sparkle, and edge. As one wag once quipped, I have "a personality so negative that when he enters a room people ask 'Who left?'".

*Sigh*

It will be alright. I've been to teacher parties before. There's only one problem with teacher parties. Unlike regular parties - or even engineer parties - where the conversation can take on many different subjects - teachers like to talk about only one thing: teaching.

At least there will be free food.
K-

Yesterday was trash day. Dutifully I put out my trash can for early morning pick-up. It's one of those ubiquitous blue Rubbermaid Roughneck barrels. It's the same barrel I've put out every Wednesday since I moved into this house.

When I got home from work I noticed right away that the barrel wasn't out front. This surprised me. Because even though I have a standing order for the kids to bring in the trash can when they get home from school, it's largely ignored.

But my trash can wasn't in the garage either.

Today I hunted all over the neighborhood looking for my wayward trash can. Despite searching high and low, I couldn't find it. I couldn't find it anywhere. It's like it had vanished.

During the day Wednesday, a cold front passed through the area. Along with the front came a strong wind gradient. Sustained winds were clocked at 30-40 MPH with gusts up near 60 MPH. I guess my trash can decided it had had enough and it was time to take off. "Out of here like a cool breeze," as the saying goes.

If any of you see an unfamiliar blue trash can rolling down the street, could you give me a call? It's part of a matched set.
K-