November 2004 Archives

Overheard in the car coming home from the Maryland Christmas Show:

"We're going to have a lot of family time between now and Wednesday but some of it isn't going to be pleasant."
K-

The Vigilant Hose Company of Frederick County, Maryland, advertises at the Maryland Christmas Show.

Leftover pecan pie makes a very tasty and satisfying breakfast.
K-

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. A- was home from college; I had my traditional Thanksgiving run (although I had to end it halfway because of a cramp in my hamstring); I was able to do some cooking; and I sampled a great bottle of wine. Our menu:

Roast Turkey
Mashed Russet Potatoes
Baked Sweet Potatoes
Haricot Verts
Kem's Maryland Sauerkraut
Jello Fruit Salad
Pumpkin Bread
Gravy

Willowbrook 2001 Pinot Noir

Pumpkin Pie
Pecan Pie
Edy's Grand Vanilla Ice Cream

My contribution to the feast included the turkey, mashed potatoes, haricot verts, gravy, pumpkin pie, and pecan pie.

Tomorrow we're off to the Maryland Christmas Craft Fair. It's the same fair I went to last year and blogged about here.

I hope you all had a restful, satisfying, and enjoyable Thanksgiving wherever you are.
K-

During the recent election, pundits - particularly those on cable news networks - questioned the long-term vitality of the print medium. Candidate endorsements by this country's newpaper editorial pages were deemed unimportant and ineffectual, if not quaint. Blogs, talk radio, and news infotainers were the vanguard of how news would be distributed in the future they said.

Evidently, Maryland's Republican governor Robert Ehrlich doesn't realize that newspapers are no longer relevant. He has decreed that Maryland state public information officers and members of his staff are forbidden to talk to columnist Michael Olesker and State House Bureau Chief David Nitkin, both of The Baltimore Sun. It seems the thin-skinned Ehrlich is upset that The Sun recently reported his administration's secret land deal in St. Mary's County. In the St. Mary's case, the state privately negotiated to buy 836 acres of an environmentally significant forest for Republican construction magnate Willard Hackerman, with the intent of selling it to him for the same price - with no appraisal.

The ban is in effect "until further notice."

Ehrlich has no trouble taking part in radio talk shows or starring in taxpayer-sponsored TV spots, but has tried to stifle open government in the past. Earlier this year, Ehrlich attempted to remove reporters from the Maryland State House and permanently reduce their presence there.

It's no secret that The Baltimore Sun's editorial page is no fan of Ehrlich. But Ehrlich - like all BCDs who whine incessantly about the "liberal media" - fails to grasp the very basics of journalism. Newspaper editorial pages, columnists like Olesker, and the newsroom represent three distinct and separate pieces of a newspaper. A wall exists between a newsroom and opinion writers. Ehrlich's blacklisting of the press has the effect of hurting his administration and the public as it becomes more difficult for reporters to get accurate information from key state officials. It makes Ehrlich look desparate, paranoid, and foolish.

The Republican noise machine has inculcated even elected servants of the people that they can bully and harangue those who scrutinize the activities and performance of Republican demagogues. This outrageous abuse of power and attack on the First Amendment will not be forgotten.

And if Mr. Ehrlich thinks he deserves less scrutiny than past Maryland governors, he is sadly mistaken.
K-

Over at the American Film Institute website, they currently have a feature called 100 Years... 100 Movie Quotes. Next June, the AFI will "count down America's 100 greatest lines of dialogue spoken in the movies, as chosen by experts of the motion picture community" in a three-hour television event. Since I can't wait till next June, I decided to look at the AFI list of 400 candidate quotes and formulate my own list. Now 100 is too much for me, so I created "Kem White's Top 25 Movie Lines of All Time".

Now as you might expect, my criteria are ill-defined and fluid but I more or less selected them based on how well the quote remains lodged in our popular culture vernacular as well as how dramatic, poignant, or crucial to the movie the quote is. Of course, I'm not an expert so my choices undoubtedly reflect my taste in movies.

I intentionally left off the name of the movie so you can test your movie trivia expertise.

Here are my top five:

1. JAMES BOND
Bond. James Bond.

2. HAN SOLO
May the Force be with you.

3. RICK BLAINE
Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

4. THE TERMINATOR
I'll be back.

5. THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST
I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!

Expand the entry to see the remaining 20. I can't wait till next June when I see how well I agree with the experts.

Did I leave out any? What do you think?
K-

I listen to classical music. (Yeah, I know, in today's political climate that alone makes me an effete, elitist, Times-reading, East Coast liberal snob. So sue me.)

This morning on my classical music radio station, they played something performed by the Luxembourg Radio Symphony.

Wow... Luxembourg. I haven't thought about Luxembourg in years.

When I was a kid, my father worked for a company that manufactured steel wire manufacturing equipment. (Someone's got to do that.) In 1968, he spent nearly a year living in Luxembourg as he supervised the construction of a wire manufacturing plant.

As a child I remember thinking "Who's ever heard of Luxembourg?" It's a really small country. Smaller even than Rhode Island. (I had to look that up.) And now as an adult I think "Who's ever heard of Luxembourg?" Have you ever met someone from Luxembourg or know anyone of Luxembourgian heritage?

It must be awfully dull there. Or maybe it just seems that way being neighbor to wild and crazy Belgium.

I'll bet you that fewer than 1 in 100 Americans could tell you anything at all about Luxembourg. Its capital, location, anything. This morning I was surprised to learn its radio station had a symphony. I wouldn't have thought Luxembourg even had a radio station.

I dare anyone to tell me one fun fact about Luxembourg off the top of their head.
K-

Sixteen years ago today about the same time as I blog this, my younger son was born.

That's him on the left a few days after he joined us. As you can see, D- was one hirsute baby. We should have had a barber in the labor room with us in addition to a doctor.

Notice I said labor room and not delivery room.

Labor was induced for D-. My wife and I arrived at the hospital about 7 AM, were situated in the labor room by 7:30, and the Pitocin was in by 8. That stuff worked exceedingly well.

Labor proceeded so quickly that shortly before 10 AM, the obstetrician told me to go get my scrubs on because they were ready to wheel my wife into the delivery room. I had just gotten the covers for my shoes on when the nurse opened the door to the labor room and said if I wanted to see the birth, I'd better get in there right away.

D- wasted no time in the birth canal. The whole breaking water, pushing, catch the baby thing took all of 10 minutes. Unlike his older brother, D- came out SCREAMING - loud and long. He really hasn't shut up since. (Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way because as he likes to point out, if it weren't for him I wouldn't have most of the conversations I have.)

Happy 16th Birthday. Were we supposed to get presents?
K-

Unlike the other members of my family, my younger son really likes to read about himself in my blog.

Last week he and his high school marching band took a trip up to New York City to march in the annual Veteran's Day Parade. It was his first trip to NYC and he got to do some sightseeing with his friends. He made it to the top of the Empire State Building where a friend snapped his picture.

When I said I liked it, he said "Will you put it on your blog?"

No sooner said than done D-.
K-

The New York Times: "Humans Were Born to Run, Scientists Say"

Scientists are telling us that many human anatomical adaptations arose because of the need to run long distances. I've heard it suggested that for distances greater than 25 miles, humans are better, more efficient runners than horses.

"Running made us human," suggests one of the scientists.

According to the scientists, big buttocks are an important anatomical adaptation for running. If so, then I'm one supremely adapted runner.
K-

My in-laws arrive today from Florida. They're here to help celebrate D-'s 16th birthday tomorrow. (I'm in complete denial that my youngest child is 16 - and could get his driver's license if we would only let him. But we're not going to, Bosco! You got that? No high school sophomore in this house is getting his driver's license!)

My in-laws are great and I enjoy having them come for a visit. I do have to sit through the Florida-is-paradise-how-can-you-possibly-like-living-in-this-arctic-wasteland discussion but once we get through that it's smooth sailing. And they really like me. (Something about their undying gratitude for staying married to their daughter all these years.)

One convenient thing about having a child away in college: Grandma and Pop can stay in A-'s room and not in the spare bedroom where my computer lives.
K-

While my mother is in rehab, I'm seeing that her bills get paid. She just received a bill from her veterinarian for a routine examination of her daschund.

One of the items on the bill was:

• Anal Sac Expression $25

Now I have absolutely no idea what "anal sac expression" is. And I don't want to know. But whatever it is, it's far, far away from my comfort zone. I think the vet is way undercharging for that little service.

Accompanying this line item was the following statement:
Anal gland cleaning: There may be an odor with this procedure. This is normal. Your pet may pay some attention to the area for 1-2 days. If this occurs, a warm compress over the rectum 2-3 times daily will help alleviate the discomfort.

Do kids get briefed on this part of dog-ownership when they start pestering their parents for a pet?

"Now Billy, owning a dog is a lot of responsibility. You have to love him and feed him and brush him and walk him and play with him and put a hot washcloth on his ass for three days every time he comes home from the vet."

Wow.
K-

I had a good run this morning. It was one of those runs where you start out feeling kind of lethargic but then something clicks mid-run and all of a sudden you have all this energy. I ran more than a mile further than I had originally intended to go and could have gone farther but ran out of time.

About 10 minutes into it, a very fancy pickup truck pulled up along side me. Inside it were three hispanic guys looking for "the golf." The driver barely spoke English and I don't think the passengers spoke English at all.

"You want to get to the golf course?"

Vigorous shakes of their heads ensued.

There's a golf course in my neighborhood and I guess they were looking for it. A lot of the greenskeepers are hispanic. Unfortunately their English was about as good as my Spanish. I kept saying "3 lefts... you want to make YOUR NEXT 3 LEFTS," doing the usual stupid thing of repeating it ever louder, as if that would help.

Then I made the mistake of mentioning that the golf course was across from a supermarket. That really confused them I think, because they all started shaking their heads. I ended up drawing a map (sweating profusely on it and their truck as I stood there in the morning cold), which should have worked. But I'll never know.

I kind of like being stopped and asked for directions. It's this little pop quiz in your life. "OK, people, put your notes and books away and take out a pencil. It's time for a quiz." Like the time I was staying in a hotel near LAX. I was walking back to it about 1 AM from a nearby Taco Bell when a Cadillac pulled up beside me. Now there was a pop quiz.

But that's a story for another day.
K-

I remember very few of my dreams. In my whole life, there have only been a handful of dreams that stuck with me once I awoke. Usually the dreams I remember are closer to nightmares.

Such was the case last night.

The dream itself had no evident beginning but the part I remember most vividly drew from a couple of mild phobias that I have: heights and pool drains.

So are you done laughing?

Yes, it's true. In addition to a garden-variety case of acrophobia, I have an aversion to drains at the bottom of big tanks of water such as you find in pools. (Despite numerous published tabulations of various phobias I've come across, I've never seen this particular phobia named.) Don't ask me why, I just do.

To this day I remember my grandfather trying to teach me to dive when I was about six years old. His method was to force-march me to the end of a diving board at the backyard pool of a friend. He would stand in the shallow end hollering all sorts of instructions and encouraging advice to me: "Chin on your chest, hands together over your head, now leeeeeean...."

But for the longest time, the sight of that big, hairy, ugly, nasty, pool drain right beneath me kept me from diving off the diving board. I never told my grandfather why I was reluctant to dive off the board (I was already diving off the side no sweat so he got really frustrated) but I just knew, without doubt, that if I dove off the board, I'd get too close to that drain and be sucked into it. Brrrr....

Well, I got over my fear of pool drains insofar as diving was concerned. But to this day I'm still reluctant to go near them.

So back to last night. I dreamt that somehow I had gotten up on top of one of those big, tall municipal water tanks. You know, the kind that sort of resembles a giant white Tootsie-pop? There I am crawling around on my hands and knees on top of this sphere circling this open hole in the center of the tank. The water was filled to the brim, too, because it kept splashing out of the hole making the metal I was crawling on more slippery. There was no fence to keep me from falling off either, just smooth, slick, wet sheet metal curving down and away. Already in my dream I'm nervous because I'm way up high without a safety net and I don't know how I got up there.

Then the bad thing happened.

Somehow I slip through the hole into the water tank. And instead of being able to swim up and crawl back out the top, the water starts draining down through the bottom pulling me down along with it. In my dream, I remember being surprised at how strong the suction was. And the harder I swam toward the fast-receding opening, the farther away the opening became. So there I was underwater being pulled down into the dark toward some hideous, monstrous drain. I became so unnerved that I had to force myself awake.

I don't know what I did to my subconscious yesterday to piss it off but it sure got back at me.
K-

I have a blood platelet donation tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM. The whole process takes about two hours with most of that time spent in the chair with both arms attached to an apheresis machine. They suck the blood out, filter the platelets, then pump it back in. I watch a movie while they hunt for platelets.

If I chose, I could donate platelets every 3 days; I do it about 6 times a year. Seems worthwhile. They give me Famous Amos cookies when I'm done. Here are some fun facts about blood platelets:

• Platelets are tiny cells that initiate the formation of blood clots and reduce blood loss from wounds.
• Donated platelets must be used within five days of collection.
• Patients undergoing bone marrow transplants need platelets donations from about 120 people.
• Severe burn victims can need 20 units of platelets during their treatment.
• Leukemia, chemotherapy, transplant, and trauma patients and patients undergoing open-heart surgery require platelet transfusions to survive.
• Yasser Arafat was initially moved to Paris because he had a platelet deficiency. I guess they should have called me sooner.

Phlebotomists tell me I have "really good veins."
K-

Michigan plays Northwestern tomorrow in its final football game in Ann Arbor this year.

Northwestern is a small school compared to Michigan but its football team makes me nervous. They've beaten Purdue, Ohio State, and Penn State this year. They're kind of a David to the Michigan Goliath. Michigan is tied with Wisconsin atop the Big 10. If Michigan is already focusing on THE game next week in Columbus, they could find themselves beaten. Northwestern has proven vexatious to Michigan head coach, Lloyd Carr, in recent years. Three of Carr's 16 Big 10 losses have come at the hands of Northwestern. Real freshman QB, Chad Henne, can use the work against what is likely to be a scrappy Northwestern team.

And speaking of being atop the Big 10... I find myself in the awkward position of having to root for Michigan State tomorrow when they square-off against Wisconsin this weekend in Madison. If MSU could pull-off the big upset, Michigan would have a good shot at the Rose Bowl. Otherwise... who knows what I'll be watching on New Year's Day. The Wolverines could find themselves playing Georgia or Boise State!?! *Ppffft*

But rooting for Michigan State? The fabric of the cosmos could be rent in two. Seriously. What? You think I exaggerate?

Anyway, because I live in Maryland, I'm sure I won't get to see Big 10 football action on TV.

Give us some of that great ACC stuff.
K-

See what happens when you break the rules?

I broke my own "7 MPH" rule and suffered the consequences. My "7 MPH" rule is that it if you keep your car's speed under 7 MPH over the posted speed limit, the cops won't bother you.

Yesterday while enroute to a meeting in southern Maryland, I saw a state trooper had pulled over a speeding victim. I noted that my speed was a tad over 70 and took my foot off the gas. Once I passed by the side-of-the-road spectacle, I resumed my 70+ speed figuring the cop was otherwise preoccupied and unable to attend to my wanton and flagrant disregard of the law.

I had not driven 30 seconds when I glanced in the rearview to see another state trooper right behind me with lights blazing. "He must want to get by me," I thought naively, "I'll just pull over into the right-hand lane."

No such luck. He wanted me.

"Sir, I'm Officer Schmidt. My laser told me you passed through my sector doing 74 MPH in a 55 MPH zone."

You know the rest.

He let me off with just a warning. I guess it was because I was wearing my blue suit and driving one of my employer's Chevy Cavaliers. Maybe he was impressed I had the temerity to redline a Cavalier.

When I got to my destination, I discovered that a co-worker who was also attending my meeting had been pulled over by the same Officer Schmidt in the same sector.

Damn talking lasers.
K-

First run in tights this winter season today. I needed them, too. It was 30F by my thermometer when I went out this morning.
K-

What is it about guys and "making good time"? Whenever a guy makes a long road trip, he's got to make good time or, well, um, he's just a girlie-man. That's all there is to it.

Put any two guys together who've made the same trip from Point A to Point B, and right away they'll start comparing how long it took them. It doesn't matter which two points. Just any two points on the map that you're able to drive between.

Same goes for me. I definitely feel this sense of elation if not exaltation when I make a long drive quickly.

Today: Livonia, Michigan, to Woodstock, Maryland.

527 miles.

7 hours 53 minutes.

Booyah!
K-

I'm off to Michigan this morning to check on my recuperating mother and her affairs. She has been in a rehabilitation facility since her brain tumor surgery last September. I guess rehab is going along as well as can be expected; she tells me she is regaining some of the use of her left hand and foot. She's also been undergoing radiation therapy the last several weeks, which has caused her hair to fall out. When I talked to her last she joked about being bald but I've got to tell you, I'm not looking forward to seeing her without hair. I'm still not used to my 46 year-old brother being bald. Maybe someone will give her a hat.

Back on Saturday.
K-

As my ever-wise and trenchant friend, John Green, liked to say in times such as these:

"The people have spoke."

K-

I did my civic duty this morning on the way to work. I must have an under-utilized polling place because I was in and out in about 5 minutes. One co-working said he waited two and a half hours.

My older son is voting in his first election today. He is so excited about walking into that voter's booth for the first time. No voter apathy with him.

So who did I vote for in the most hotly contested election in a while? Well Judge Joseph F. Murphy will be relieved to know that I voted for his continuance in office as Judge-at-Large in the Howard County Court of Special Appeals.

Oh, you wanted to know how I voted in that other hotly contested election.

Only my hairdresser knows for sure.
K-

We keep our Halloween candy in a large, special Halloween bowl. Anything left over on November 1 sits there till it's gone. Last night after all the trick-or-treaters came by, the bowl was nearly full of fun size Twix, Milky Ways, Nestlé Crunch, and Snickers.

My younger son - age 15 - didn't go trick-or-treating last night opting instead for a Halloween party at a friend's house. Because he didn't get his yearly pillowcase full of booty, he was counting on those leftovers as his. D- has a voracious sweet tooth. (Actually he has a voracious tooth.)

Today before leaving for work, I emptied the bowl and hid the candy contents. In its place, I left two empty wrappers sitting forlornly in the bottom of the bowl. I mean, what fun is it being a parent if you can't mess with your kids' heads?

Any bets on how long after he gets home from school before he calls me?

2:29 Update
Answer: less than 1 minute.

K-

Traipsing through our dining room yesterday morning, I saw that 6 bags of Halloween candy had arrived in my house. My fate was sealed. No going out to dinner, no being a hermit. I was participating.

So for dinner I dined on tuna sub (complete with dolphin; tuna just doesn't taste the same without the dolphin), frozen french fries, and a thousand doorbell interruptions. Several visitors had very creative costumes including two high school girls dressed like Gene Simmons and Peter Criss in full makeup and costume. I joked with most of the kids and got a few laughs. One mother was definitely unimpressed with my humor when I quipped that it was a good thing that her Pooh-bear dressed toddler "wasn't out in western Maryland last week."

My biggest laugh actually came at the Subway store which had a big sign posted on the entry door cautioning everyone to remove their masks before entering.

I guess they didn't want to freak out the help.
K-