Shiver Me Timbers, I've Been Hornswoggled

I've been done in. Done in by what has to be the most tediously boring book I've read in a long, long time. Master and Commander is only the second book in the last 20 years that I've given up on simply because I don't like it. (Not to be confused with books I haven't finished reading yet. I have several with bookmarks firmly wedged midway between the covers. And while these books remain unfinished, I have every intention of returning to them one day.)

With most books, I scrutinize the dust jacket, read portions in the bookstore, look at the preface, and so on before making the purchase. Consequently, I'm almost never burned by a book. If I decide to buy it, I rarely have to give up on it. My skill at (in this literal instance) judging a book by its cover has become nearly inerrant. And it irks me to have to give up on a book that I've chosen to read: all that time and money wasted.

Master and Commander was an impulse buy. I had looked through it and the others in the series (There are 20!) at various times but never could get excited by them. It wasn't till I saw the movie trailer that I decided to get it. I figured if the trailer looked that good then the book couldn't be half bad.

Boy was I wrong. The book - at least the 200 pages I've read - is all bad. I don't read many novels. And when I do I have a particular fondness for novels that take place in times gone by. I like to be immersed in the cultures and societies of long ago while some ripsnorting yarn takes place. Witness my love of Sherlock Holmes.

On the surface, Master and Commander would appear to fit the bill. It takes place onboard the HMS Sophie of the British Royal Navy during the early 19th Century at the height of Britain's sea power. The two main characters - Jack Aubrey and Stephen Maturin - are personable enough. But the author has chosen to pack this book to the brim with the peculiar cant and jargon of sailing ships and sailors. For page after page we learn about the various names of the sails, ropes, timbers, and rooms and cavities onboard sailing vessels. Sails go up, sails go down. Men pull on this rope, men haul on that rope. The ship goes 1 knot faster, the ship goes 1 knot slower. Enough! Even the companion dictionary I bought - which is much more entertaining than the book it explicates - hasn't helped. There are just too many words to look up, too many terms to keep straight, to make reading this book anything but a chore. The author, Patrick O'Brian, exhibits a pedantry in his writing I've rarely encountered before. Together with the (so far) near absence of anything interesting or exciting happening dooms this book to the recycling bin. (Sorry but bookshelf real estate in my house is too valuable to waste on a paperback I know I'll never finish.)

Guess I'll just have to wait for the DVD.
K-