Arbitrary Tragedy
Last night while coming home from Confirmation Class, my younger son mentioned that all the kids were talking about a tragic traffic accident that happened right here in Howard County. A tanker carrying petroleum of some sort careened off an overpass of the Harbor Tunnel Thruway and tumbled down onto Interstate 95. At least two semi-trailers, a pickup, and an automobile collided with the tanker causing a huge explosion, four deaths, and the shutting down of the major east coast highway for more than 12 hours.
D- seemed especially affected by the accident even though no one he knew was directly involved. Last night he asked if I had heard about it and wanted to know the details, as I understood them. This morning he again mentioned the crash. He seemed troubled and appalled that in life you could be doing everything right, not looking for trouble, and then all of a sudden - WHAM! -you're dead.
"Those people were just minding heir own business," he said.
It's interesting what comes on kid's radar screens. Very troubling things - daily murders in Baltimore, natural disasters, the war in Iraq - flit across my son's consciousness with nary a perception. But a single traffic accident, albeit horrific, grabbed his attention because of its seeming capriciousness.
I reassured him that the probability of any one person being involved in such an event is remarkably small. But that didn't seem to reassure him.
It didn't reassure me either.
K-
It's scary when that cloak of invulnerability comes off. It happens to different people at different ages. You don't want it to happen too early, but it can cause a lot of problems when 40 year olds are still wearing theirs and have to deal with life problems they never considered could happen to them.
Without coming off sounding too pompous, what went through my mind was that it could be a good thing for him to recognize his vulnerability. It's a hard lesson to learn, but a necessary part of growing up. I think you are handling it well -- you have let him know that you understand through your own feelings and experience.
I fear that the exposure to so many violent movies and games create callous attitudes towards any kinds of violence and death -- whether it is man-made, accidental or in nature. I suspect this new vulnerability in D- will make him more sensitive to the consequences of violence and less likely to ever take part. (Not that he would with such a great dad...)